At first I was apprehensive about going. I did-n't want to "waste" my evening at church. I had painted this awful picture of how it was going to be, sitting Indian-style across from each other on the floor, massaging each other's faces with our eyes closed, attempting to get, "in touch" with each other. Sharing our deepest, darkest secrets with a room full of strangers scared me a little.

We were seeking some counseling to help us resolve some problems that we were having. Most of those problems stemmed from a lack of communication and common differences between men and women. When Michel brought up First Tuesday again one evening, it was the right time. I was more open to new ways for Michel and I to do things together besides eat and sleep.

We were luckv enough to have Michel's parents in town. They have always had one night a week with our daughter, Darby, and that night just happened to be Tuesday nights. We didn't need a babysitter, we didn't have plans to do anything else, and I had no other excuse not to go. So the next Tuesday, we went to First Tuesday.

We arrived about five minutes late. A few cou-ples had to move to make room for us to sit together. We saw a few familiar faces in the crowd, but for the most part these were just strangers to us. We sat through the first meet-ing without saying a word. We just listened and watched everyone else participate.

The things that people talked about were ve interesting. Some of the things people said rea7-ly hit home for me. We found that similar things were going on in our marriage. It wasn't like a day in the bleachers at Wrigley Field, but it was all right.

The part that really made me want to come back was at the end. After the meeting, so many people came up to us and introduced them-selves and said they were happy to see us at First Tuesday. The positive attitude and the reinforcement made me feel good about coming and participating - not to mention how com-forting it is to know that your relationship is no different than anybody else.'s.

I used to think that we were the onl married couple who had problems. I learned at First Tuesday that every married couple has problems. Every couple has differences. It is up to the couples to make their relationship better.

Ilearned that there is a hard way to, do things and an easier way to do things in our relationship. The hard way is the school of hard knocks - learning everything on your own, fig-uring out as you go. And if it doesn't work, hey - you gave it the old college try,, right?

The easier way is to come to a gathering of couples like First Tuesday- You can listen and learn from others who have been there and lived to tell the tale - couples who are going through the same things that you are going through, both the positive and the not-so-positive. As they say in the opening of every First Tuesday meeting, none of us are experts and none of us have perfect marriages. But the couples at First Tuesday are committed to their marriages. Everyone is here to make their marriage better.

John and Michel Sheehan are members of St. Patrick Parish in Cedar Falls. They have been married five years and are the parents of two children. They attend First Tuesday regularly. For Information on First Tuesday, call 319-233-5241 .