Many people don’t readily think of the “team” approach when considering marriage. Perhaps it isn’t a very romantic notion. Yet, I think it is one of the most useful and rewarding ways to think of marriage. When husbands and wives think of themselves as a team --as one unit working together with a sense of mission--great things can happen.

When a man and woman enter into a Christian marriage, they receive the grace that comes with that sacrament. According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, “Christ is the source of this grace,” and he “dwells with them, gives them the strength to take up their crosses . . . and to love one another with supernatural, tender, and fruitful love” (CCC, 1642). Couples need to keep in mind at all times that their team consists not only of themselves, but most especially of Christ. It is to Jesus that husbands and wives can turn daily for strength, mercy, forgiveness, and love.

A Common Vision. This three-person team is now formed, but what is its mission statement? A common vision is crucial if husbands and wives want to work together. This requires communication and soul-searching be-cause sometimes, even subtly, spouses have differing goals. Some questions husbands and wives can explore together might be: What is the purpose of our lives and of our call to marriage? What do we want to accomplish in our lives? What do we value most? At the end of our lives, will we have any regrets?

My husband and I both came from large, close-knit families, so our visions for what we wanted for our lives were very similar. Since family was already important to us, it wasn’t difficult to decide together that God was calling us to devote most of our time and energy to raising a family. Even at that time, when we were planning to get married, we purposely chose to limit our career options because we didn’t want to spend so much time at work that we didn’t have time to be with our children or with each other.

While we were engaged, I remember carefully observing the marriages of our older friends to see whether they were “in sync” with each other – whether by their actions they showed that they were headed in the same direction. A certain energy – and joy – seemed to radiate in the homes where the couples were blessed with this unity of vision and action.

Drawing Closer to God. In every Christian marriage, our goal should be to help each other grow closer to the Lord. Working together, husbands and wives can try to make time for prayer, worship, and Scripture study.

Do both you and your spouse spend time in personal prayer with the Lord each day? If not, maybe there is a way you can encourage each other to carve out some special time for God. Perhaps by taking the kids out of the house for a few minutes each day, you can give your husband or wife a quiet environment in which to pray.

With your partner’s help and encouragement, you might try to schedule in a Mass during the week. Perhaps there is a special event at your parish, such as a Lenten or Advent Bible series. If you can’t get a babysitter and attend together, maybe you can take turns going. As a “team,” you and your spouse can pray together for the needs of your families and friends.

When my children were babies, it was often frustrating trying to get in time for personal prayer. On weekends, when my husband didn’t have to leave early for work, we took a “tag team” approach. He would pray first, and then watch the kids while I prayed. If we read a Scripture or something from a spiritual book that really struck us, we shared it with one another. Now that we have entered the electronic age, my husband sometimes e-mails me these messages!

The Goal for Our Children. The team approach can bear tremendous fruit in raising children. Here, too, an overall, long-term vision is crucial. You may have babies now, but, it’s important to imagine your child as a God-centered, generous, and kind adult who uses his or her gifts to serve the Lord and others. If you keep this vision in mind, you have a final goal to work toward. Like a soccer team that brings the ball up the field by passing to each other, each action you take regarding your children will eventually culminate in that victory goal.

God has given the responsibility for raising children to both the mother and the father. One parent, usually the mother, may stay at home to care for the children, but both need to have a “heart” for their kids by making a commitment to stay close to them and to keep their needs always uppermost in their minds.

Do you pray about and make joint decisions on the larger issues affecting your children? Are you open to one another’s perspectives about what is best for an individual child? My husband and I have come to value our shared discussions about our children because our differing viewpoints, especially in raising both sons and daughters, have given us a “shared” understanding and helped us to make better decisions. In the end, this proved extremely beneficial to our children.

Some of our most difficult decisions regarding our children have been in deciding where to send them to school. Every time we have been faced with this decision, we have tried to carefully discuss and pray about the best course of action. This process often involves lots of work, but it is always worthwhile, because when we have come to a decision, we always feel more secure that it is the right one.

In addition, team members need to “stick together.” If you disagree with your spouse about an issue involving the child, do so privately and not in front of the child. With children, a united front is always best! When I was a new parent, it took awhile for this truth to really sink in. As a protective mother, I was quick to interfere if my husband was trying to discipline one of our children, and I thought he was being too tough. When my husband pointed out that I was undermining his authority with the children, I realized that he was right. He didn’t have a problem with discussing the situation later and in private-- in fact, he welcomed it. But it was vital for me to learn that there was an appropriate--and an inappropriate-- time to voice my opinion.

Support in Service. Another area where spouses can support one another is in service outside the family. If you discern that God is calling you to serve as a volunteer in the community or in a church ministry outside of your usual work commitment, then you have to approach the work as a team, even if only one of you is actually going to be involved in it. That’s because the work will probably involve sacrifices for both spouses, especially if there are small children. If you have an evening meeting to attend, for example, then your spouse will probably have to be available to help the children with their homework and put them to bed. The beauty of such a team approach is that God can use married couples to bring the love they have for each other into the world.

When my children were babies, it was especially difficult for me to let go of my husband in the evening, when I was tired and still had to be “on duty.” In my heart, however, I knew it was God’s will for my husband to be involved in the ministry he was involved in, and that I needed to support him in it. God wanted to form my husband to be a man of God, and he needed my cooperation to do so! At the same time, God was forming me to be more generous of my time and to “stretch” that extra bit--to lay down my life for the building up of the kingdom.

God has given us a great gift and vocation in marriage. He gave us this covenant love relationship to reflect the love he has for us. In this way, marriages are meant to last forever. But when they don’t, God does not abandon us. He is ever faithful, and will always be a part of the “team” that single parents need in order to raise their children.

Jesus is the source of our marital grace. He gives us the strength to face the difficult demands of family life and to love one another. When we make Jesus a part of our “team,” we can be assured that he will bless our every effort with abundant fruit.